Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
