Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
