So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
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