did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Boobs are out for the taking
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
