Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
