well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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