saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
