a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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