Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize