Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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