So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
