FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize