The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
