so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
