is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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