areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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