Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize