the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Randomize
