you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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