You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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