but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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