I just made out with a guy for $7.
I looked at my own cervix.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
