So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
