I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
