I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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