Do vagina's smell?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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