At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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