ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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