I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Randomize
