yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
This house was built for laser tag.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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