I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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