ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
her facebook's as public as her vagina
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Do you remember whose house we're in?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
