I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You were trust falling into bushes
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