I'm so fucking centered right now
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
