i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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