She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
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Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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