Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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