Me too!
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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