I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm too high and old for this...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
