Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
