Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
