i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
