I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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