i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
