fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
