Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
