Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
