: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
