bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
