No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
