He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm too high and old for this...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
