This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
