connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
