he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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