hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
