Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
