i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
