this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
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i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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