why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
