what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Hippo gnu deer
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
