he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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