Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
