Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
