he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
